Cinema Lust – a published short story

first published in

banQuetpress 2012: A feast of new writing and art by queer women

Cinema Lust

Running late, I bounce into the foyer of the cinema. The signature yellow t-shirts of Melbourne Queer Film Festival volunteers tells me I’m in the right place. Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of Tara’s friends. My heart beats faster and my stomach sinks. Fuck. If Stacey is here, Tara could be too. I wonder where she is. Is she in the bathroom? Is she in the cinema?

I take off my red leather jacket and nervously charge towards the usher. He checks my ticket, I flash a fake smile and run up the steps determined to find Andrea as soon as I can. I frantically scan the seats looking for my date. Sorry, excuse me, I whisper as I shuffle past legs of dykes to get to my seat: femme, butch, boi and lipstick are all here. I take the seat next to Andrea and stretch across the armrest to kiss her, almost falling into her lap.

‘Hi babe, are you OK?’ she asks with a curious grin.

Andrea’s sparkling eyes assess my black shift dress, patterned stockings and knee high boots. I’m not sure if her look is a sign of approval or dislike. I decide it doesn’t matter and rub my hand up and down her leg firmer and faster than usual. I ask about her day and try to cover up my panic with excitement about my new job. She tells me about her hook-ups with girls on Pink Sofa. We have a casual arrangement.

I stare at Andrea’s lips but can’t hear her voice. The idea of seeing Tara excites me and scares me. I remember lying in bed with her at the St Kilda house one hot dry Melbourne evening, listening to Bat for Lashes. The hot wind snakes through the bedroom window encircling our naked bodies. My head rests on her flat white stomach while she caresses my back. Curling our fingers together, I notice how right it feels holding her hand.

Tara is an ex-lover. I met in her in a lift at a girl’s night. Keen to keep partying, we went to another venue. She gave me drugs and watched me dance. She kissed me on my neck and I turned to marshmallow. We stayed out until 7am. Perhaps this was a red flag, but I thought she was fun. I was eager for the company and touch of a woman.

We spent the Christmas season drinking and dancing at club nights and events around town. On our days off work, we made love until the early afternoon. It was sensual and passionate. The more sex we had, the more I attached I got to her.

Tara left town for a holiday and forgot about me as fast as we met. I am not sure if it was her not wanting me, or the hot sex that made me lose my shit so badly over her. She sometimes looked at me like she loved me but something told me she was unavailable. Her detached, tomboy personality was a sharp contrast to her gentle sensuality. It seemed she had a lot on her mind but couldn’t find the words. I tried to contact her after she left. She ignored me. I hate being ignored.

Blinking my eyes, I find myself starting at Andrea’s small mouth. I didn’t hear a word she said. I improvise with ‘oh really’, hoping she didn’t ask me a question. Looking up I see an ad for JOY FM on the screen.

Andrea is a petite edgy femme from Sydney. She speaks with affection and is a good listener. We have an easy friendship. Admiring the sprinkle of freckles across her nose, I wonder if l should pursue something more serious with her.

I start to unwind, when I see Tara stride up the cinema stairs with a group of women. I’m entranced by her long legs and self-assured gait. She moves cautiously, with solid reliability. Her calmness fascinates me. Her hair is black with short back and sides. She carries a bicycle helmet in her hand.

Seeing her makes me feel giddy. I feel like a schoolgirl again – swinging on a monkey bar with pigtails bouncing in the breeze. Desire springs between my legs and fear grips my chest. I feel my heart is going to burst right through my skin and splatter red inkblot patterns all over the screen. Maybe it will hit her in the face I think revengefully.

I cross my legs, sit up straight and smooth my dress in a desperate hope that she might see me. My desire turns to panic. Looking for something to clutch onto, I grab my handbag from the floor. I rustle through the contents looking for a tissue. I find a pen, lip-gloss, tea bag, notebook but no tissue. If I don’t find a tissue soon, I cannot possibly stay here.

Why is there a spotlight shining on me? The theatre was dark a moment ago. I look around and it’s as bright and clear as the sun on a cold winter’s morning. The air is crisp but it feels like I’m breathing in mud.

I seem unusually tall. I flick my eyes left, then right to work out what is happening to me. I’m growing taller and taller and tower over everyone. Everyone except Tara can see me. The red flush of anxiety in my cheeks, the ache of desire in my body and the sadness in my heart is on display to the whole cinema.

I‘m plucked out of my chair and spinning around in a twirl, levitate to the ceiling. Looking around the cinema I see women with shiny white and grey feathers, stick legs, black pupils set in white iris’ and orange-red beaks. I rub my eyes to clear my vision. Below me from the front to the back row, along the side all I see are seagulls perched on red velvet seats.

At first their supple chest feathers appear comforting and nurturing. I look closer and see them sizing me up – fear knocks at my sternum. Five gulls at the back of the cinema fly out of their seats and stop to scope out a group of younger birds in the middle of the theatre. Like puppets attached to string, the gulls patiently hover waiting for an opportunity to attack. Sounds of the beach reverberate throughout the cinema – ‘kwee-aarr’, ‘kwee-aarr’, ‘kwee-aarr’.

Higher and higher I rise into the cinema sky. A flock of gulls peck at my legs, arms and dress, shredding strips off material off me. An older gull with one leg rips it clean off my body. A funnel of wind whips around me tearing off my stockings. Across the room, I see another gull with blonde feathers burn a hole through me with her gunpowder stare. I hug my chest for protection but its futile. I’m far from safe. I move my arms in a breaststroke action to get away from the gulls. I don’t move.

Another gull with tired droopy eyes flies violently into my hips. I flinch away narrowly escaping a claw to my face. Moving closer to me, lethargic gull pulls at my black lace bra with her beak. Heart racing faster, I hang as still as I can and look into her eyes. She is scared and tired. Tapping into the energy of my fear, I push my right leg down for momentum and kick my left leg out pushing my foot squarely into the centre of her plump chest. She catapults across the theatre and flies away whimpering.

I feel a pull against my back and hear a shrill call coming from one-legged gull. She violently tugs and pecks at my breasts and panties with her claws and beak. With no strength left to fight back, one-legged gull pulls my black lace bra and knickers clean from my body, sending them flying across the room.

Naked, I put one arm across my chest and one across my crotch to hide myself. Like Linda Blair from the Exorcist, I frantically shake my head, arms and legs to get the gulls off my body. Sweat drips across my forehead and down my face. I’m terrified and for once in my life, I acknowledge I don’t know what to do. I’m trapped. I hold my breath and surrender to tears that roll down my cheek, neck and chest.

A gull with snow-white feathers, an angelic smile and bright eyes is headed towards me. Nodding to me, she flies around my body swooping and screaming at the flock of gulls. The one-legged gull screams back at her and they swipe at each other. The angel gull swoops at her again, scaring her off. All other gulls scamper away returning to their seats.

The friendly gull expands her clean, soft wing, wrapping it over my shoulder. She cushions me like a cumulus cloud. Her touch is familiar.

‘It’s OK Lauren. Take your seat, the movie is about to start,’ she reassures me.

Through blurry vision, I wipe the salt from my cheek and wonder how angelic gull knows my name. I look at her with gratitude.

‘Thank you, you are very kind.’

Her orange beak smiles widely and she soars into the void of the cinema sky. I watch her fly away. My breathing slows down and I float back to my seat. Embarrassed, I look down my body to see I’m fully dressed – no signs of rips in either my stockings or dress. With a crashing thump, I land in the chair. My butt hovers over the floor and my head is stuck in the crease of the seat.

Andrea glares at me. ‘What are you doing down there?’

With eyes bulging and Medusa hair, I stare at her and consider asking if she is crazy, did she not just see what happened. I see her looking bewildered and change my mind.

‘Arh, nothing babe I dropped my phone under the seat. Here it is,’ I wave my phone at her.

‘So tell me about these girls you’ve been chatting to,’ I say grabbing her hand to pull me up.

Andrea continues to look at me like I’m weird. I return the look. I look at her chest in amazement. She has very large breasts. Peaches of flesh pour out of her shirt. It looks like they’re going to burst out of her Wheels and Doll Baby singlet at any minute.

‘She looks hot babe,’ I say about SummerGirl. I wonder if Andrea and I have anything else to talk about than sex and our exes.

The movie ‘Elena Undone’ starts and with a deep sigh, I focus on the screen. The film is a story of two remarkably different women who meet unexpectedly and are intensely attracted to each other. I compare it to the twist of events that led me to meet Tara and think tonight is very weird indeed.

I can’t help myself. I look over to where Tara is sitting and notice she’s wearing make-up. She rarely wears make-up. I notice an unknown short redhead sitting next to her. My mind races around and around in circles. She is on a fucking date!

Folding my arms across my chest, I complain to myself that she didn’t take me to the movies. All I got was drinks, drugs and deserted. Sizing up the date, I notice she is short, plump and has a lethargic dull aura about her. I feel better knowing I’m fitter than her. I smugly focus my attention back on the film.

A number of scenes later, I notice a tall woman walking towards the exit stairs. The lights illuminate her face and I see its Tara. Why is she leaving early? My heart starts racing again. I feel drawn to her.

‘I’m going to the ladies hun, back soon’, I tell Andrea. Grabbing my bag and jacket, I scramble to the aisle.

I have to see her. I wonder what the hell I’m doing and my body can’t move fast enough. I stop for a second to check myself. Should I, shouldn’t I. Head says no, heart and body say yes. Two beats one, I keep moving. My friend adrenaline is with me for the ride.

I get to the foyer and see Tara walking towards the entrance. My stomach rises into my chest, twists through a loop in my throat and roller-coasts back down to my navel.

The snug fit of her pants accentuates her long legs that stretch in a straight line from ankle to her flat bum and hipless waist. Her head had hangs down and I sense a melancholy about her. Like she is longing for something she has lost. She wears a pink Ben Sherman collared work-shirt that defines her slender arms and the perfect curve of her breast. An ache rises in my crotch at the thought of touching her.

Tara turns around and our eyes lock. She looks surprised, curious and annoyed all at the same time. My head tilts left and for a second I shyly look away. She studies my face and body as I walk towards her.

‘Hello Lauren.’

Without speaking, I take her hand and lead her towards the ladies toilets. She walks in front of me and grabbing my waist turns me to face her, pulling my body close to her.

I see her eye steal a look at my chest.

‘Its nice to see you,’ she says in between laughing, ‘What are you doing?’

‘I don’t know. But I know I want you’.

She stares deeply into my eyes. I lead her towards the toilet. I feel her eyes travel up my boots, thighs and take in the shape of my arse. It turns me on and my hips sway for her – to, fro, left, right, I walk with anticipation and excitement.

Hurrying into the toilet, I push her against the marble vanity basin. Taking the helmet from her, I rub my hands lightly up and down her arms. I notice veins popping through her skin. She grabs the side of my waist, pulling me against her.

Tara lightly presses her lips to mine and I get lost in the velvet touch of her skin. I feel the heat between us in the space between our touch.

‘You look good,’ she breathes in between kisses.

‘Thank you,’ I look at the buttons on her shirt.

‘I‘ve ached for you since I last saw you,’ Tara whispers in my ear.

She rubs the back of my head deeply as she dives her lips into my neck and swims into my skin.

I run my hands along her arms to her shoulders. Staring longingly at her collarbones, I see the mound of her breasts through her shirt. I undo one button and put my hand inside her bra. I caress her breast and lightly tickle her nipple.

Tara puts her hands under my dress and slowly rubs my arse. My back arches and my body pushes into her chest. I skip a breath and move her lips to mine. Kissing her deeply, I push her harder against the basin.

I slowly undo all the buttons on her shirt. Putting my hand under her bra, I cup both her breasts, and gently fan my fingers over the expanse of her pale soft skin. A pulse of energy throbs up and down my pussy. Tara slides her free hand under my dress and quickly pushes my bra aside to caress my small boobs. The softer she touches me, the more she turns me on.

Sliding the dress over my head, Tara moves her hand across my thigh deeply rubbing the inside of my leg and groin. With each stroke she moves closer and closer to my knickers. She rests her hand on my mound for a second, and then suddenly rips a hole in my stockings.

Tara pulls down my g-string only enough to allow her finger to enter. She delicately slides up and down my drenched pussy. She adds a second finger and slowly traces back and forth along the line of sweet, thick moisture of my pussy.

‘You feel amazing.’

‘You turn me on so much,’ I tell her. ‘I hate it. I hate how much I miss you.’

Tara moves her hand to my face, stroking the side of my cheek. I look away from her, frantically unbutton her pants and force my hand inside her jeans. I feel her wetness through cotton and rub my fingers lightly over her, then along the length of her crotch. Pulling the material aside, I expose her lips and slide my finger all over her wetness. Tara gasps loudly again and her head falls against the mirror.

I ease one finger inside her and sigh at the feeling of her inner beauty. Pushing her harder against the basin, I straddle one of her legs to hold her down and insert a second finger. My fingers move inside her, gently at first and then faster and deeper. I push my spare hand against the mirror. Tara puts two fingers inside me and my head tilts back aching for more and on the verge of screaming her to stop.

Slowly and deeply our fingers move in and out of each other in time with the sounds of our pleasure. I look up at her like she’s my long lost soldier lover returned from war. I feel safe, knowing she will make things right in the world. Our fingers move in and out of each other – slow and sensual, then fast and deep.

Tara peers into my eyes, curious to know whom I am. I feel safe knowing she will make me feel good. Moaning and fucking each other louder and faster we come at the same time. A piece of hair falls onto Tara’s forehead, painting a soft glow across her face.

Wrapping my arms around her, I slide us down the basin to sit on the floor. Hugging her tight against my boobs, I press my lips to her left eyelid and then her right. I caress her back, shoulders and collarbones. Tara ties a lock of hair behind my ear. As she likes to do, she stares into my eyes.

‘Why didn’t you want me?’ I ask, tears forming in my eyes.

‘I’ve missed you Lauren’.

I bite my bottom lip and look up into her small cheeky eyes. Nothing else exists when I’m looking at her looking at me. I notice her deceiving grin. Embarrassed, I lower my eyes to the bottom of her neck.

Tara lifts my chin to look into my eyes.

‘Not a day goes past that I don’t think about you.’

The colours of the room doubles in intensity – the maroon carpet becomes thick and textured like velvet. The amber glow of lampshades sparkles like gold nuggets. My heart swells and a smile shines across my face. I forget she ignored my question.

I rub my feet together like I’m nine years of age and its Christmas morning. I feel safe – like I have come home. She takes my hand and wraps her fingers into mine. I take in the beauty of us holding hands – again.

Looking at her, my smile fades and I want to get away as fast as I can.

‘I miss you too, Tara and I like you a lot. But we just don’t complement each other.’

Standing up, I adjust my stockings; pull on my dress and boots. I look at her staring at me and before she can speak, I run out of the toilets, through the foyer and onto Russell Street.

A storm has descended on the city and in the night rain, I run crying all the way to Federation Square. In the distance, amidst glistening city traffic lights, lost pedestrians and frantic taxi drivers, I see a seagull perched on the other side of Princes Bridge. Slowing to a walk, I brush the rain droplets and smudged mascara off my face and through my brown curly hair. On tiptoes I stand on the footpath where it meets the road. Cars horns beep as they speed past. Wind gusts balloon my dress. I see my angel seagull from the cinema. She’s smiling widely and her clear black eyes penetrate my soul. I blink back a tear and smile bashfully. I continue walking and don’t stop until I get home, seven kilometres later.

© Elena van Laack 2012

e-book available at Amazon, iTunes and other online book retailers Hares and Hyenas 

Follow Elena van Laack on Facebook –

Follow banQuetpress on Facebook –


Once upon a time…

Once upon a time she was lying in the park across the road from her house looking at the city skyline being thankful for what she has in life which is not as much as she would like but she is certainly aware that it is more than others and she lied back on the cool grass which would start to form moisture from the night within an hour or so and she thought she would be more comfortable if she had  jacket with her and a sweet girl lying beside her who had lovely hair that she would run her fingers through and then they would sit up and look at the sky and notice how clear it was and how many stars they can see protruding from the black void of the earth’s ceiling and they are thankful for having a moment of stillness to appreciate the beauty of the night sky – the southern cross, there’s the big dipper they pointed out, bright stars close to earth, dull stars barely visible which they said  must be planets millions and trillions of light years away from them and then they saw the flashing lights of aeroplanes and they talked about seeing a shooting star and she said to the other if you watch the night sky for 15 minutes you are bound to see a shooting star and so they sat in silence for a while and could hear each other breathe and waited to see a falling star and one of them did and she made a wish and the other wanted to know what her wish was and was it about me she said and the other laughed and they fell quiet and she felt still, really still and quiet and peaceful and she remembers looking at the night sky when she was a young girl living in the country and she had to stop thinking about the country or she might start crying and what would she think if she saw me with a teardrop and why would i be crying about that anyway so she said isn’t its just amazing the universe that is, and they said they were lucky yet oh so insignificant and small compared to the vastness of earth, the planet stars and who does really know what is out there and one of them sat up and took in a deep breath looking at the shimmery reflection of city lights on the water of the lake and the other lying down looked at her and noticed she was really really  happy being right by her side, looking at the side of her face and one minute you’re on your own and the next you’re with a new friend and she was  feeling excited and wanted to push her over to kiss her and she also couldn’t move she was in a trance of just feeling the feeling of being by her side and she knew she was different she knew they would had challenges but she was curious to know more about her and she thought she was beautiful she wanted to tell her, she wanted to tell her a lot of things but didn’t that night there was no need she will save it for another time when they are together then it will be a surprise so instead she sat up and looking at her face she thought she could look at her face forever, she slide closer to her and slid her arm around her waist and gently dropped her head to touch hers and she looked straight ahead not really looking at anything both of them saying nothing words were very unnecessary she loved her arm around her waist and they sat together in silence looking at the water and feeling each other quiet in their skin just being together doing nothing for who knows how long and none of us do know so they soaked it up because you never know when you open your eyes they won’t be there and you will miss them and want to be back there beside the lake with them and you would do anything to re-live the moment but you know you can’t so you look at the stars and wonder who you might meet next and you hope you meet them soon

7th May 2012 Helen Stevens

X and Y..a dialogue exercise

“How are you?’ X asks.

‘Oh, hello, um I was just writing a few ideas for my next story.  Nice to see you’, Y says gathering her books and pen and putting them in her backpack.

‘Oh ok. You too. I like your floral top’.

“Thank you. It’s a dress actually’.

‘Oh, a dress’.

‘But now you are here, I’ll put it away and I can get a drink’ Y says.

X asks, ‘What would you like?’

‘Are you sure, I can get it,’ Y assures. ‘I guess we can’t both go up, we’ll lose our seat.

‘I’ll get it, what would you like’, says X.

‘A sav blanc from Marlborough please. Thank you’, Y smiles at X trying to identify if she is happy to see her.

Feeling nervous, Y fumbles with her sunglasses and looks around the bar. It’s busy for a Sunday night. This is not a conversation she is looking forward to but seeing her again for the first time in a week, Y is overwhelmed with X’s beauty.

Y sends X a text, ‘You look beautiful’ and feeling a pulse of adrenaline run through her to hide her phone before X get back, her phone lands loudly in her black handbag just as when Y walks around the corner. Y suddenly crosses her arms against her chest as a sign of complete stillness.

‘Hello, a wine’.

‘Thank you,’  Y says staring at X’s glass which looks like water.

‘Aren’t you drinking,’ Y asks X wanting her to say yes so she feels they are having a shared occasion.

‘Yes, it’s vodka and lemonade. I had a few at lunch time, so I’ll probably be drunk soon,’ X laughs, half-heartedly.

Y considers X’s innocent and conservative lifestyle.

‘Oh ok, of course it is. I see bubbles. How are you?’ Y asks.

‘I’m good, I feel a bit lost all the parents celebration is are over. Yeah. It’s like I was with them Friday night and now its all finished. It’s a bit sad’, shares X.

Y never attends family events and struggles to understand her feelings. She also wanted to hear X say she was excited to see her.

‘Ok, I guess that is fair enough. But didn’t you feel excited today that you would be seeing me?’

‘Well um yes. but I have been with my family since Friday. Of course, I am excited to see you.’

Y’s eyes lift from staring at the wood grain of the table and brighten. She wonders if she has read the the text she sent.

X looks at Y’s face and holds her stare. Y looks back at her and taking a sip of her drink to break the silence, but not breaking her stare, Y smiles shyly at X over her wine glass.

Y smiles,’ I am glad you are here’.

© Helen L Stevens

7th May 2012

Bare your soul

Don’t stand back in the corner
I don’t want your distant admiration
Don’t tell me you respect me
I want more than a friend

Give me more than passing glances
Stand beside me
And put your soul next to mine

Can I feed on the sweet taste of your skin
I want you to take me
Over and over again

Shower me with gifts
I’m drowning in paper

Dine at the best restaurants around
Each tastes the same

Tell me you want to see me
When you have a diary of offers
I will sit up and take notice

Speak to me with soft words
I will move my ear to your lips

Clear obstacles in my path
Without me having to ask
Catch tears from eyes
Before they roll down my cheeks
Then I know you care

Hold my hand
When you see me scared
Offer me your jacket
When I’m cold
Then I will know you are real

Encourage me to keep going
When I am tired
I will kiss your cheeks
With tenderness

Listen to me when
I need to talk
Remind me
I am only human
When I make a mistake
Make me laugh
When I feel down
I will be grateful
To have you in my life

Stand by me
When I am rubbish
Then I will know you are genuine

Make me feel young
When I feel old
Give me energy
When I have lost all motivation
I will give the same to you in return

Show me you know who I am
And what I like
Then I will know you’re interested

If you come to me
With no concern of
Future or

In the still of night
When the roads are empty
Trees bare of leaves
Fog hovers over grass in the park

If you strip bare of everything
In the moonlight of vulnerability
With nothing left except
Your naked skin and
Clothes at your feet

And tell me you need
And want me
Then and
Only then
Will I know
You love me…
And only me

© Helen Stevens 21/02/2012 & v2 28/2/2012

Being with you

It is only being with you that I know myself
But I don’t know myself being with you..

Through you, I know who I am
Even though this me is not me at all
Who am I when I am with you
I don’t know who this person is

Where did she come from
Will she still be here when you are gone?
She appears when you’re around
She tries to deny it but she can’t trick me

 I like her
She’s different to me
A different part of me
I know she likes you too

She smiles differently when she’s around you
She gets nervous and has more energy
I see her buzzing around, fussing over what to wear
Asking me if I think you’ll like her clothes

She feels alive when she’s with you
I tell her not to get carried away
To take things slow
She can’t
She is excited
She has waited a long time to meet you
And she wants you to like her

I see her laugh and play like never before
She feels desired and soft and alive
You were her new friend
She feels like a teenager again
Running around the city doing crazy things with you
Ha! It made me laugh to see her so happy

She tried to give a lot to you
Maybe she tried too much I thought
She’s not perfect and she is sensitive you know
I should have told you this
Maybe then you would have been
More gentle and kind

She hurt you too
She told me so
You said things she did not mean
She wishes she could take them back

She was sad and and new to town
And still you laughed at her anxiety
I saw her passion turn to fear
Gone was the spring in her step
Instead she kicked stones
And started drinking alone

She wondered how to win you back
But you didn’t care
She was hurting
You didn’t even know
Too busy thinking of yourself
Nothing stopping you
From where you wanted to go

You told her you were nice
So did your friends
You told her she was amazing
I told her to be careful
It was too late

You pretended to like her
Said you wanted to see her
But when you were together
You changed your mind
Said she wasn’t your type

You tricked her
Lied to her
Ignored her
She wanted you
To have your attention
But you didn’t really care
Too busy with other things and people
To make time for he

She thought she was safe
So she tore open her blouse
And showed you her soul
You liked what you saw
And ripped out her heart
Caressed it for a short time
But not for too long

Before you
Threw it on a road
Drove over it

In public
In front of the crowd
You picked up the shreds of her love lying on the bitumen
Blood and tears pouring from veins and arteries

Dragging it inside
You held it to the light
Showing the crowd how proud you were
Your friends cheered you on
Sneering at her
Proud of your victory
Seeing you
Her legs dropped to the ground
She stumbled onto the carpet
Falling backwards onto a table
Walking quickly hand to chest
To hold back the bleeding
She staggered to the exit

Blood oozing through her fingers and dripping onto the floor
I saw her tears and heard her pain
‘How could she do that to me…
She said she didn’t want another’

When I saw her sorrow
And blood-stained dress
I was sad for her
And angry at you

You didn’t see her for who she is
She didn’t show how much she wanted you
She is not perfect
But she was real
And now she is gone
And I don’t know when I’ll see her again

Elena van Laack 16/2/2012

inspired in part by the film  ‘Room in Rome’

Stand before me

Stand before me
Under the water
With your long cock
Water droplets slide down your face and neck
Meeting your supple breasts

My eyes take in all of you
Tracing up and down
Your curvy feminine hips
The short hair of a boy

You stand masculine
Tough and strong

Yet your breasts
And arse are soft
And delicate

Come to me
Run your mouth all around my nipple
Let me feel the false bulge hanging
Between your legs

She sees you lick your finger
Your eyes meet hers
She is wet for you
Insert it now
Slowly you immerse yourself in her
Feeling her juices
Up and down
Will you turn her around
Bend her over
Take her over
thrust yourself into her
Push that object that makes
you man
and woman
into her
She swallows you
All of you
She steps forward
Running water
Sprays on her face
Black smudge eyes
Smile at you
She feels all of you
Moves back
And screaming with delight
She kisses you under the water
And holds you tight
With all her might
Elena van Laack

The first time we met

I will always remember how relaxed I felt sitting next to her in the club that night. We rested on a soft lounge in the back of the room to talk and take a rest from the dancefloor. It was almost sunrise.

I spoke to her but she couldn’t hear me. She moved her body closer to mine to hear above loud music. Gently she placed her hand on my inner thigh as she moved her body next to mine. She marked her ownership of me not with possession but with tenderness and desire.

I felt like I had been by her side for many years – but it was the first time we met. She turned to talk to a random sitting beside us. All the time her hand stayed snugly resting on my leg. I liked the feel of her touch. I felt like I had come home. While she wasn’t looking I took a peek her way. I wanted to see who she was. 

She didn’t know I was assessing her. I gazed longingly at her long legs in jeans, taking in their long, straight shape. They seemed to travel all the way to her hips and continue up her back. Her strong stature was intriguing and powerful. I felt she would protect me not just for the rest of the night but forever.  I was in awe about how self-assured she seemed to be.  Her confidence was admirable and fascinating. I wanted some of it for myself.

She didn’t talk a lot. But she could easily strike up conversation with strangers. I wasn’t jealous. It made me think she knew a lot about the world and life. I liked it. My imagination also made me think, she could take care of difficult situations for me if I ever needed her to. How wonderful that would be.

Her hand never left me while she talked drunk to the stranger. She seemed to communicate through her touch. Her hand rested affectionately on my leg, like it was our routine posture. It was like we come to the venue every weekend, this is our couch and this is how we sit beside each other. The warm, knowing touch of her hand told me she would never leave me until I was ready.

With her hand on my leg and her tall body close to mine, I felt everyone around us knew I was with her. I let go. I didn’t know what to say. I felt shy, drunk and wondered if I should get her attention. For once, there was no need for me to do or prove anything.  I relaxed. I sat quietly and soaked up the feeling of her warmth next to me.

The tender assurance of her hand on my inner thigh spoke a thousand words to me. It wasn’t primal. It was sensual and natural. I no longer felt alone in the world. She didn’t know how long I pined to feel that way. She didn’t know how deep she made me feel from a single touch in such a small moment of time. She didn’t know I felt like I had known her for a long time.

She made me feel wanted. It was the sweetest thing I ever did feel. This is how it was, the first night we met…

©Copyright Helen Stevens 2011