Being with you

It is only being with you that I know myself
But I don’t know myself being with you..

Through you, I know who I am
Even though this me is not me at all
Who am I when I am with you
I don’t know who this person is

Where did she come from
Will she still be here when you are gone?
She appears when you’re around
She tries to deny it but she can’t trick me

I like her
She’s different to me
A different part of me
I know she likes you too

She smiles differently when she’s around you
She gets nervous and has more energy
I see her buzzing around, fussing over what to wear
Asking me if I think you’ll like her clothes

She feels alive when she’s with you
I tell her not to get carried away
To take things slow
She can’t
She is excited
She has waited a long time to meet you
And she wants you to like her

I see her laugh and play like never before
She feels desired and soft and alive
You were her new friend
She feels like a teenager again
Running around the city doing crazy things with you
Ha! It made me laugh to see her so happy

She tried to give a lot to you
Maybe she tried too much I thought
She’s not perfect and she is sensitive you know
I should have told you this
Maybe then you would have been
More gentle and kind

She hurt you too
She told me so
You said things she did not mean
She wishes she could take them back

She was sad and and new to town
And still you laughed at her anxiety
I saw her passion turn to fear
Gone was the spring in her step
Instead she kicked stones
And started drinking alone

She wondered how to win you back
But you didn’t care
She was hurting
You didn’t even know
Too busy thinking of yourself
Nothing stopping you
From where you wanted to go

You told her you were nice
So did your friends
You told her she was amazing
I told her to be careful
It was too late

You pretended to like her
Said you wanted to see her
But when you were together
You changed your mind
Said she wasn’t your type

You tricked her
Lied to her
Ignored her
She wanted you
To have your attention
But you didn’t really care
Too busy with other things and people
To make time for he

She thought she was safe
So she tore open her blouse
And showed you her soul
You liked what you saw
And ripped out her heart
Caressed it for a short time
But not for too long

Before you
Threw it on a road
Drove over it

In public
In front of the crowd
You picked up the shreds of her love lying on the bitumen
Blood and tears pouring from veins and arteries

Dragging it inside
You held it to the light
Showing the crowd how proud you were
Your friends cheered you on
Sneering at her
Proud of your victory
Seeing you
Her legs dropped to the ground
She stumbled onto the carpet
Falling backwards onto a table
Walking quickly hand to chest
To hold back the bleeding
She staggered to the exit

Blood oozing through her fingers and dripping onto the floor
I saw her tears and heard her pain
‘How could she do that to me…
She said she didn’t want another’

When I saw her sorrow
And blood-stained dress
I was sad for her
And angry at you

You didn’t see her for who she is
She didn’t show how much she wanted you
She is not perfect
But she was real
And now she is gone
And I don’t know when I’ll see her again

Elena van Laack 16/2/2012

inspired in part by the film ‘Room in Rome’


Stand before me

Stand before me
Under the water
With your long cock
Water droplets slide down your face and neck
Meeting your supple breasts

My eyes take in all of you
Tracing up and down
Your curvy feminine hips
The short hair of a boy

You stand masculine
Tough and strong
Yet your breasts
And arse are soft
And delicate

Come to me
Run your mouth all around my nipple
Let me feel the false bulge hanging
Between your legs

She sees you lick your finger
Your eyes meet hers
She is wet for you
Insert it now
Slowly you immerse yourself in her
Feeling her juices
Up and down
Will you turn her around
Bend her over
Take her over
thrust yourself into her
Push that object that makes
you man
and woman
into her
She swallows you
All of you
She steps forward
Running water
Sprays on her face
Black smudge eyes
Smile at you
She feels all of you
Moves back
And screaming with delight
She kisses you under the water
And holds you tight
With all her might
Elena van Laack

Lies and games

I hate the way you make me feel
I want to run and hide
You make me nervous, scared and shy
Get rid of this feeling inside

You say you think of me  every day
Can’t wait to touch my body
One day you want to see me
The next you run away

Looking into my eyes with love
I felt a strong connection with you
You kissed me gently and sweet
It felt amazing, right and true

I liked your house
All cosy and warm
I could’ve stayed there forever with you
Sheltered and safe from any storm

Lying next to you naked
I toss and turn on your hard bed
I said I liked your wooden cupboards
You laughed at my Howie B CD instead

You ask ‘how will I be if you meet another’
I stare at the ceiling in shock and fright
What else is there for me to know
Are you really so arrogant and full of spite

You pull away when I hug you
I walk away
Head hanging low
Why did you walk into my life that night
My mind and heart does not know

You never made time for me
Too busy with your mates
I am naïve and a fool
To think we could have been great

You said you weren’t into me
But I see you look and stare
I shake my head in confusion
Why did I ever bother to care

You can’t look me in the eye
For fear of showing guilt, desire or hate
One day you liked me
The next you hesitate

You really have no courage
Even though you act tough
You wedged in amongst my friends
When will enough be enough

It’s all rubbish what you say
I don’t believe a word
You say what you need to
To be liked amongst the herd

You push and shove your way around town
To put yourself on show
You won’t push me away from here
I am stronger than that you know

What do you want from me
Is this a game you like to play
Do you find it funny to
Tease and provoke me and
Always be in my space

I will never understand
Why you didn’t treat me right

There’s a better girl for me out there
Sweet, honest and sure
Who knows she wants to be with me
Now and forever more….

© Helen L Stevens 


Today I fell in love with you and the world
Today I learnt something new
Today I celebrated
Today I laughed out loud
Today I cried in sadness and in joy
Today I was tested and passed
Today I achieved what I said I would
Today I smiled widely from the inside out
Today I empathised with my whole heart
Today I observed with open eyes
Today I was tempted and disciplined
Today I was generous
Today I shared a moment of beauty with you
Today I received something unexpected
Today I helped another
Today I listened actively
Today I desired many a delicious thing
Today I rejoiced to be alive
Today I sacrificed my time
Today I relinquished what I have lost
Today I grew just a bit more honest
Today I was grateful for what I’ve got
Today I remembered vivid dreams and glitter memories
Today I kissed your soft skin

It is for days like today
That I live
It is these moments of sublime pleasure
That I treasure

©Copyright Helen Stevens 1997