Bare your soul

Don’t stand back in the corner
I don’t want your distant admiration
Don’t tell me you respect me
I want more than a friend

Give me more than passing glances
Stand beside me
And put your soul next to mine

Can I feed on the sweet taste of your skin
I want you to take me
Over and over again

Shower me with gifts
I’m drowning in paper

Dine at the best restaurants around
Each tastes the same

Tell me you want to see me
When you have a diary of offers
I will sit up and take notice

Speak to me with soft words
I will move my ear to your lips

Clear obstacles in my path
Without me having to ask
Catch tears from eyes
Before they roll down my cheeks
Then I know you care

Hold my hand
When you see me scared
Offer me your jacket
When I’m cold
Then I will know you are real

Encourage me to keep going
When I am tired
I will kiss your cheeks
With tenderness

Listen to me when
I need to talk
Remind me
I am only human
When I make a mistake
Make me laugh
When I feel down
I will be grateful
To have you in my life

Stand by me
When I am rubbish
Then I will know you are genuine

Make me feel young
When I feel old
Give me energy
When I have lost all motivation
I will give the same to you in return

Show me you know who I am
And what I like
Then I will know you’re interested

If you come to me
With no concern of
Future or

In the still of night
When the roads are empty
Trees bare of leaves
Fog hovers over grass in the park

If you strip bare of everything
In the moonlight of vulnerability
With nothing left except
Your naked skin and
Clothes at your feet

And tell me you need
And want me
Then and
Only then
Will I know
You love me…
And only me

© Helen Stevens 21/02/2012 & v2 28/2/2012


Being with you

It is only being with you that I know myself
But I don’t know myself being with you..

Through you, I know who I am
Even though this me is not me at all
Who am I when I am with you
I don’t know who this person is

Where did she come from
Will she still be here when you are gone?
She appears when you’re around
She tries to deny it but she can’t trick me

 I like her
She’s different to me
A different part of me
I know she likes you too

She smiles differently when she’s around you
She gets nervous and has more energy
I see her buzzing around, fussing over what to wear
Asking me if I think you’ll like her clothes

She feels alive when she’s with you
I tell her not to get carried away
To take things slow
She can’t
She is excited
She has waited a long time to meet you
And she wants you to like her

I see her laugh and play like never before
She feels desired and soft and alive
You were her new friend
She feels like a teenager again
Running around the city doing crazy things with you
Ha! It made me laugh to see her so happy

She tried to give a lot to you
Maybe she tried too much I thought
She’s not perfect and she is sensitive you know
I should have told you this
Maybe then you would have been
More gentle and kind

She hurt you too
She told me so
You said things she did not mean
She wishes she could take them back

She was sad and and new to town
And still you laughed at her anxiety
I saw her passion turn to fear
Gone was the spring in her step
Instead she kicked stones
And started drinking alone

She wondered how to win you back
But you didn’t care
She was hurting
You didn’t even know
Too busy thinking of yourself
Nothing stopping you
From where you wanted to go

You told her you were nice
So did your friends
You told her she was amazing
I told her to be careful
It was too late

You pretended to like her
Said you wanted to see her
But when you were together
You changed your mind
Said she wasn’t your type

You tricked her
Lied to her
Ignored her
She wanted you
To have your attention
But you didn’t really care
Too busy with other things and people
To make time for he

She thought she was safe
So she tore open her blouse
And showed you her soul
You liked what you saw
And ripped out her heart
Caressed it for a short time
But not for too long

Before you
Threw it on a road
Drove over it

In public
In front of the crowd
You picked up the shreds of her love lying on the bitumen
Blood and tears pouring from veins and arteries

Dragging it inside
You held it to the light
Showing the crowd how proud you were
Your friends cheered you on
Sneering at her
Proud of your victory
Seeing you
Her legs dropped to the ground
She stumbled onto the carpet
Falling backwards onto a table
Walking quickly hand to chest
To hold back the bleeding
She staggered to the exit

Blood oozing through her fingers and dripping onto the floor
I saw her tears and heard her pain
‘How could she do that to me…
She said she didn’t want another’

When I saw her sorrow
And blood-stained dress
I was sad for her
And angry at you

You didn’t see her for who she is
She didn’t show how much she wanted you
She is not perfect
But she was real
And now she is gone
And I don’t know when I’ll see her again

Elena van Laack 16/2/2012

inspired in part by the film  ‘Room in Rome’

This morning

This song takes me far away..the joy and love it invokes is magical…actually, I truly don’t know how to articulate how it makes me feel…

something like running through a field of soft green grass chasing a rainbow feeling as light as a feather and as beautiful as a supermodel – with a sense of anxiety and delight about the start of a new beginning..

i feel a sense of freedom that the world is my oyster and everything i want i can have..i just have to reach for it and there, right there, it is – within arms length and it just keeps getting better and better..

its interesting timing that i should hear this song this is a day of change – one door is closing another is opening..

the feeling this track invokes speaks for itself, a timeless classic…

I am a dolphin

I feel like I have woken up, but I know I am still dreaming. Surrounded by a body of water, I look around me and realise I’m in the middle of the ocean. An ocean of water so dark blue, that in the sunlight its almost black. The water is calm and the gentle rise and fall of waves caresses my body. I am not yet sure what I am doing here. You must know I am not scared. You must know I am a dolphin. With curiosity, I jump high out of the water, eager to feel the freedom of being in the air.

I did tell you I am not scared but I have been worried. I don’t know where you are or what you think of me and what might happen.  I see you appear. I see you too are a dolphin, similar to me but different. I feel safe knowing you are with me.I thought I had lost you. You went away without telling me. I swam through the currents, calling, ‘where is she? where is my friend?’ I didn’t hear you call back. We are together jumping out of the water . White wash flows around our slick vinyl like sin. My worry has gone. You are back here with me. We each jump and dive out of the water and back in again. Smiling and calling out to each other, playing in the water. We are two separate dolphins you and I and together we are one. I see us spiral and merge into one as we dive back into the water.  Diving into the ocean, I feel energised and safe that you are with me again.

© Helen L Stevens February 2012

Stand before me

Stand before me
Under the water
With your long cock
Water droplets slide down your face and neck
Meeting your supple breasts

My eyes take in all of you
Tracing up and down
Your curvy feminine hips
The short hair of a boy

You stand masculine
Tough and strong

Yet your breasts
And arse are soft
And delicate

Come to me
Run your mouth all around my nipple
Let me feel the false bulge hanging
Between your legs

She sees you lick your finger
Your eyes meet hers
She is wet for you
Insert it now
Slowly you immerse yourself in her
Feeling her juices
Up and down
Will you turn her around
Bend her over
Take her over
thrust yourself into her
Push that object that makes
you man
and woman
into her
She swallows you
All of you
She steps forward
Running water
Sprays on her face
Black smudge eyes
Smile at you
She feels all of you
Moves back
And screaming with delight
She kisses you under the water
And holds you tight
With all her might
Elena van Laack

The room of make believe

in a small room made of white besser brick walls with three rows of small white desks on either side of the floor, she looked out across the clear city night…what a magical place it is to be in this room of make believe..a small Polish teacher brimming with encouragement, sitting at the front of the room, her head just reaching the top of the desk shared a literary quote for every comment offerred..teacher reminded her ‘one can write what one desires in this class’

..she, the student, sat forward on the edge of the black vinyl chair eager to hear more insight and share her ideas..she sat amongst new writers and future authors. they each read short stories, analysed strategies and started new ideas, not yet aware of where they might lead..

…she drank in new book titles, authors and quotes..she wished every day could be like today…

…an artist, a perpetual student with no worry for money or status

…she would bound home to her faithful lady lover waiting to greet her at their front door

…she talks and talks and talks about her magical day amongst words, not stopping for a breath

…her lady lover is as happy as she is seeing her alive

…they retire to bed early, their tanned summer skin rubbing against each other on white cotton sheets

sharing stories and laughter about their day and childhood, she can’t wait to get back to the room of make believe..

© Elena van Laack 2012